


at the end of the day we can endure much more (than we think we can)

by Dontfloatthe100



Category: The Pinkertons (TV)
Genre: Anyways good luck, Blindness, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I love hurting my favs, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 11:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dontfloatthe100/pseuds/Dontfloatthe100
Summary: Kate notices early that she has to squint to read the words printed in the morning newspaper, and she doesn't feel worried.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I hurt the characters I love? Idk man

Kate notices early that she has to squint to read the words printed in the morning newspaper, and she doesn't feel worried.  
  
"I'll be fine, Will," she says when he expresses his concern. "I just have to get some glasses, that's all."  
  
"You've always had perfect eyesight, though," Will points out.  
  
"Yes, well these things happen. I'll go to the doctor soon."  
  
  
  
Kate always keeps her word, although this time it took a few months as her and Will got caught up in case after case. During that time, she notices her eyesight worsening, but she doesn't want to worry Will. Despite his attempts to hide it, she knows that he worries enough as it is.  
  
But she supposes that it's hard to hide that you aren't as much of a crack shot as you used to be, or that small writing is almost illegible to you now.  
  
So as spring is coming to an end, Kate pays a visit to the local doctor.  
  
On the way out she stares at the sunset. She notices it's hues of orange and red and purple, and decides that even though she has never really appreciated it before, she'll miss that sight.

  
  
The low light of The DuBois isn't really helping Kate's attempts to find her way to her and Will's usual table, but she makes it there anyways.  
  
Will notices her and pulls out her chair. He then flags down Annalee and orders a whiskey and a mint julip for them.  
  
"So what did the Doc say?" Will asks, and Kate sighs.  
  
"He says that my eyesight is just going to worsen. That there's nothing he can do."  
  
"So you can just get new glasses every once in a while. That's fine, right?" Will says, his voice full of tentative hope.  
  
"No, Will, I-- he says I'll be blind within six months."  
  
Will drops his whisky and the glass shatters against the hardwood floors.

  
  
Kate sits with John on her front porch, enjoying the shade and the view of the farm.  
  
John looks over to her. "Will says you won't be able to see anymore before the year is out," John states simply.  
  
Kate nods.  
  
"Any hope for a cure?" John asks.  
  
Kate shakes her head.  
  
John sits silent for a moment and stares out at the trees in the distance.  
  
"You know I'll be here to help, right? Whatever you need."  
  
Kate nods her head and they both look back at the horizon.

  
  
Kate hears from Annalee that Will went on another bender, and she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. She picks herself off and dusts off her clothing and makes her way to town for the first time in a week, but this time with a walking stick clutched in her right hand. She decides that she hates that thing, but she needs it now more than ever.  
  
She's worried for him. He hasn't drank heavily since just after he was shot, and that was more than a year ago. She thought he had mellowed out, but apparently she was wrong.  
  
Kate finds him in the alley beside The DuBois, sitting propped up against the side of the building. She kicks his leg lightly with the toe of her boot.  
  
"Get up, Will," Kate says.  
  
"No," he says petulantly.  
  
"Will, get up. We're going home," she tries again, a little more forcefully.  
  
"Why the hell should I?"  
  
Kate sighs irritably, feeling the worry make way for unbridled anger. "You know why, William Pinkerton? Because I'm going blind and you don't see me going on benders, getting drunk off my ass at Annalee's! Don't you think that I want to come here and down half a dozen shots of whiskey? Don't you think I want to drink until I can't tell whether it's my disease or the alcohol that's making my vision blurry? But life goes on, and we can't bitch about things that we can't control! So get up, we're going home and we're gonna figure this out!"  
  
Part of her knows that some of the anger she is feeling is also directed towards herself or the universe or whomever was responsible for blinding her. But as Will stares up at her and then rises unsteadily to his feet, she knows it doesn't really matter. She feels her anger leave her as quickly as it came, and she just feels tired.  
  
She swings one of his arms over her shoulder and helps him back to her house.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kate," he mumbles as they near her front door.  
  
"Yeah, me too."

 

"Listen, you don't have to stop detective work," Will argues from across her kitchen table.  
  
"Will, in case it has escaped your notice, I'm about 70% blind in both eyes," Kate says.  
  
"Yes, well you don't have to see to interrogate clients! And you yourself taught me about using your hands to examine murder weapons and bones and other evidence! Back me up, Kenji!"  
  
"Will's right. He and I can do the leg work, while you work on the physical evidence and the theories," Kenji says between sips of gin.  
  
"I really appreciate your attempts to help, but I don't know if that'll work," Kate says hesitantly.  
  
"At least think about it. Please?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll think about it."  
  
Will smiles and leans over to kiss her forehead. He then quickly gets up to pour himself some more whiskey. _What the hell was that_ , she thinks to herself. She looks over to Kenji to gauge his reaction (not that she can really see his face). She doesn't need to see his face to hear him snickering. She also doesn't need to see his face to smack him on the arm.  
  
  
"Now tell me, Kate," Alan says, "why have you called me here from Chicago?"  
  
Kate sits at the kitchen table and Alan removes his overcoat and drapes it over the back of his chair. He sits down across from her, eyes questioning.  
  
"I... I'm going blind, Alan. Doctor says I have about two months until I can't see at all. Right now I'm at about 70%."  
  
Alan sits and stares at her quietly, before sighing. "I suppose that I'm here to accept your formal resignation then?"  
  
Kate nods and hands him a paper she's been holding in her lap. Alan looks at the paper in her hand for a moment, and then takes it.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kate, but I respectfully decline your letter of resignation," Alan says, and Kate hears the ripping of paper as her letter is torn to bits.  
  
"Alan!"  
  
"Mrs. Warne, you are the best agent in the agency. Blind or not, your brain, your experience, your resourcefulness is matched by none. We just aren't in a position to let go of someone like you," Alan says.  
  
"I can't very well investigate cases if I can't see who I'm investigating!"  
  
"You'll adapt, like you always do. You can still deal in evidence and with suspects without ever having to shoot a gun. And you don't have to be able to see to run the Female Agent Division."  
  
"You know, Will said the same thing," Kate says with a slight smile.  
  
"We're more alike than he realizes, I think," Alan says, and Kate can hear the smile in his voice.  
  
"Yeah, you are."  
  
Alan stands and Kate, seeing his blurry figure move and hearing the creaking of his seat, stands as well. She leads him slowly to the door, and lets him out.  
  
As he nears the gate he calls back to her. "Kate, I want a preliminary report about interpartner relationships sent to me in two weeks!"  
  
Kate smiles. "Will do, Sir!"  
  
  
Kate holds the gun in her hands, aiming at the rudimentary target she had set up months ago.  
  
The air is warm and heavy as summer rolls in, and Kate feels sweat beads on her forehead as she aims the gun.  
  
The target is too blurry though, and it blends into the wheat growing behind it. She feels herself growing more and more frustrated as she tries in vain to focus on the target. Her hands shake and she feels hot tears well up in her eyes.  
  
In a moment of frustration, she squeezes the trigger and hears the bullet lodge itself into what sounded like the wood of a nearby tree. She holds the gun in that position and her hands shake uncontrollably as tears spill down her cheeks. She stares ahead in the direction that she shot the gun.  
  
Behind her, she hears her door swing open and slam shut, and she hears the grass crunch under Will's feet as he rushes to her side.  
  
"Kate, shit, what're you doing?" Will asks as he removes the gun from her hands and clicks on the safety. He shoves it in his waistband and then runs his free hands over her sides, checking for injury.  
  
"I was trying to-- I couldn't see the target, it's too blurry," she stutters out, her voice quivering.  
  
"Hey, shh, it's OK. You're OK," he says to her. He wraps her in his arms and lets her sob into his shoulder.

"It'll be OK," he whispers in her ear. "It'll be OK."  
  
He isn't sure if that's true or not.

  
  
Over the next two months, she works with Will and Kenji and John to relearn how to be a detective, this time without her eyes. She learns how to determine the make of a gun by feeling, and how to listen for the tell tale quiver of a lying suspect's voice.  
  
Every day, Will is there by her side; reading her the newspaper, helping her navigate rocky terrain, helping her to learn blind self defence. Annalee, Kenji, and John are invaluable too, and Kate can't help but feel grateful that she has them.  
  
To be honest, she isn't used to having anyone.

  
  
She wakes up to complete darkness one cold morning in the middle of November.  
  
When she opens her eyes and sees nothing, she just sighs, and sits up in bed. She swings her legs over the side and stares in the direction that she thinks the wall is.  
  
She isn't sure how long it is until Will walks through the front door, whistling some tune that was played on the piano in Annalee's the night before.  
  
"Kate? Are you up? You'll never believe what just happened out in the middle of town square," he calls.  
  
She can hear his foot steps drawing closer to her room and stepping inside the doorway.  
  
"Crazy Jim, he went right in the middle of town square and he-"  
  
Will cuts himself off as he sees her. She is gripping the bed sheets tightly and she's slightly hunched over. He rushes over to her and sits beside her.  
  
"Kate, did it... is it..."  
  
She nods, saying nothing.  
  
"Shit."  
  
Kate nods again and flops back onto the bed. Will does the same and they lay there, sprawled out on their backs, staring at the ceiling and nothing respectively.

  
  
_If Will doesn't stop coddling me_ , Kate thinks, _I'm going to ring his neck._  
  
This is thought after he guided her into her chair for the millionth time. She knows how to sit down, for G-d sakes. But at the same time, she feels bad for feeling angry. Will is just trying to help, as he always is. All of a sudden he became a calm, level-headed gentleman. The rash, impulsive man she had met at the train station two years ago was no more. But then again, too much of a good thing was still too much.  
  
It's been a long night and they've spent most of it at the sheriff's office interrogating a tough suspect. By the end of it, both Kate and Will are exhausted and they decide to make their way back to Kate's house. She knows the way pretty well by now, and can tell by the terrain when they get close to her house.  
  
Will helps her up the steps, which annoys her more than it should, and then proceeds to help her into her chair, which feels like the last straw.  
  
"Will," she says, "you don't need to baby me. I can walk up stairs and sit down on my own."  
  
"Kate, you're still learning how to get around. I'm just trying to help."  
  
"I'm not some invalid," she protests, her voice raising slightly. She can picture the anger darkening his eyes and his eyebrows furrowing.  
  
"No offense, Kate, but you kind of are."  
  
That stings, more than Kate cares to admit. She is suddenly transported back to a time when their fights were more common and less well meaning.  
  
"Well, if I'm such a burden-"  
  
"I never said that," Will says.  
  
"But that's what invalids are: burdens. So if I'm such a burden, why don't you just leave?"  
  
Will sits in a stunned silence.  
  
"A year ago, two years ago, you would've left with your bag in hand and a smile on your face. Why the hell don't you just leave now and save yourself the trouble?" Kate says, and she's whispering by the end, afraid that her voice will break and she'll show the emotions she's been working so hard to hide.  
  
"I..." Will starts.  
  
"Why, Will?" she asks again.  
  
"Because I love you," he says as if it was the simplest thing in the world.  
  
"What?" Kate chokes out.  
  
"I'm not leaving you, Kate, because I love you. I loved you when you could see and I love you now and that'll never change."

Kate faces where she thinks he's sitting, and slowly gets to her feet. She walks around the table a few feet until she can hear his breath in front of her and can hear the creaking of the floorboards as he gets to his feet.  
  
Hesitantly, she reaches up to where she can feel his steady breaths against her hands. She moves one hand to his jaw, feeling along the edge. The other rests on his cheekbone. She moves them over his forehead, his nose, his chin, anywhere she can reach. Will remains docile, letting her touch him.  
  
In that moment she feels flooded with memories of Will. Will's smile when they've just cracked a case. Will's laugh when Annalee tells him a particularly funny story. Will's petulant little pout when she chastises him for something or other. Will's look of determination when he knows he's onto something. There are some things, she knows, who's sight can never be replaced, and she thinks that Will's is one of them.  
  
Finally, she moves her deft fingers to his lips. She finds them soft and a little chapped. He lets out a soft gasp. In a moment of bravery, she stands on her tip toes so that they are face to face. She moves her fingers away slowly, and she she presses her lips to his.  
  
Almost immediately, Will wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. Kate moves her hands to cup his cheeks. The kiss is slow and sweet and Kate realizes that she doesn't need to see to kiss him, and she revels in it.  
  
It's over as soon as it starts and she finds herself straining for more. But Will decides to speak instead.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kate," he says. "You're not a burden, not to me."  
  
"It's OK," she says.  
  
"It's all so fucked," Will says.  
  
"Yeah, it is, but not us."  
  
"No, never us."  
  
Kate smiles as she leans in to kiss him again.  
  
And just for a moment, Kate forgets that she's blind, and she thinks that Will does too. Just for a moment, they just are.  
  
Kate decides then that she has to take things like that. One moment at a time.


End file.
